Loneliness Can Be A Messenger in Disguise

March 28, 2018





Hello, my name is Loneliness. Usually, no one comes to greet me with open arms and asks me to sit down with them. However, if you did, you would begin to notice that often times I am a messenger in disguise. Most of the time, people run from me and try to feed me with all kinds of distractions. The problem is once the distractions quiet down, you notice that I am still here. What a lot of people don’t know is that I am not a foe, but often I am a friend - a friend that is patient, a friend that is persistent, a friend that is relentless in being able to share the message I am here to deliver. What a lot of people also don’t realize is that when I do get to deliver the message, it’s usually something that you already know but may have been trying to avoid. There are all kinds of reasons to avoid this, but usually at the foundation of them is some kind of fear. For those that sit with me and give me a little bit of their attention, they begin to notice that the feeling of loneliness begins to subside. Loneliness is one of those feelings that, if we are living, we have experienced it and will experience it again; it’s part of being human.


For some, loneliness can go on undetectable. Instead, we put on a more, "comfortable" wardrobe that shields us from the reality of loneliness. Our wardrobe to cover up the tenderness that we feel when we feel lonely includes: busyness, arrogance, being overly nice, bitterness, anger, and even shame and discontentment. Sometimes this feels safer than admitting, "I am lonely." And even more terrifying is hearing yourself say, "I am lonely," to someone else. The feeling of being lonely has been stigmatized as though, if we have that feeling, something is critically wrong with us or about us. We think that if we have a good life - a nice career, family, significant other, financial access, etc. - that we don't have the right to feel lonely. And if we don’t have those things, we believe, "Well it’s no wonder I’m lonely; it must be something I'm doing or not doing."


Heart stuff is hard stuff. Loneliness is a multi-faceted,