10 Things Your Mama Didn’t Tell You

February 23, 2018



From about 45 years old until 50, I was taken captive by an invasion of body snatchers.  It was strange, I couldn’t figure out where I was, where did I go?  Would I ever return?  Was this really my life or was I living in some alternate reality?  Man, this was scary as hell, because I could not get my bearings.  I couldn’t check this out with anyone, because I had no idea what was happening and I was really afraid to tell someone that my mind and body had been taken over, and I had no idea by who or what. When I saw my reflection in the mirror, I see that my youthful impression of myself and my reflection were not in agreement.  I saw strands of gray peeking through what used to be all brown.  I saw lines between my eyebrows, from years of figuring out things, and worrying about what I couldn’t figure out.  My cosmetic bag essentials went from lip gloss to tweezers and an eyebrow pencil.  If either were missing that was a 911 category emergency.  The tweezers used to be to pluck bushy brows, now they are for snipping a chin hair, that is sometimes gray too .  I never knew about eyebrow pencils, except to make a “beauty mark” in my 20’s, now the brows that used to be there have moved to the chin and have left the space above my  wondering; why did they only leave intermittent wisps of what used to be?  I sometimes wonder did the hair committee get together and make a decision to cause uproar by switching places.  There’s more that I could share on that matter, but you already know.  Some other weird things that were taking place, totally beyond my control:


• Other people’s breathing got on my nerves to the point that it was all I could do, not to yell at the top of my lungs “STOP BREATHING!”

• My brain felt like it was covered with large interwoven pieces of Saran Wrap coated in        Vaseline. 

• A good night’s sleep meant sleeping for two hours uninterrupted.

• What people thought was no longer a concern (aka I didn’t give a ....).

• There was some kind of wisdom and insight that was bubbling in such a way that I began to understand what used to elude me.


As a woman in midlife today, I am part of a growing population that is an unprecedented 48.5 million strong in the United States alone. This group is no longer invisible and silent, but a force to be reckoned with—educated, vocal, sophisticated in our knowledge of medical science, and determined to take control of our own physical, mental and spiritual health.  So check this out, millions and millions of women are undergoing peri-menopause, menopause and post menopause at the same damn time. Our system software is getting an update, a reprogrammi