Change is usually pretty challenging. Especially if the “need” to change is greater than the “want” to change.
The Big Book of AA (Alcoholics Anonymous), is a book filled with wise counsel. I believe it should be a must read for everyone, alcoholic or not. Throughout the book there is teaching for becoming a better human being. The spirituality of the program requires a desire & commitment to integrity, one day at a time. Isn’t that what we all desire, to live lives of integrity? Integrity, doesn’t mean perfect. In fact integrity requires & celebrates vulnerability and authenticity.
For me, integrity has meant sharing my “behind the scenes“ self. Like the time my adult children confronted me about lying to them when they were little, because I wanted to “protect their innocence.“ One, their little souls knew something was off in my explanations (lies), two, it caused them to second guess their reality. My lying didn’t make them feel better. In the long run, it caused them to mistrust their gut. My admission of imperfection, was not news to them, they already reconciled that truth, I was the one holding onto the lie of my falseness. I’m forever grateful for all the times I’ve been busted & continue to be busted regarding dishonesty. Why? Without these confrontations I would not access humility. Humility, is the entry point to spirituality. Humility recognizes that I am a part, not the whole & without being my part, the whole doesn’t function as exquisitely as it is meant to function.
“We find that no one need have difficulty with the spirituality of the program. Willingness, honesty and open mindedness are the essentials of recovery. But these are indispensable.”(Appendix II, “Spiritual Experience”,Alcoholics Anonymous, page 567-568)
Here’s where the 3 scoops come in, you’ll notice I will change the order from the above quote, so we can call the 3 scoops, H.O.W. What I know, without a practice of spirituality that involves, humility, accountability, & action, change is impossible. Remember, the 3 Scoops are:
I had to be truthful to myself & admit that my primary reason for lying to my kids, was not to protect them, it was to protect me from the discomfort of shame, not knowing the answer, and fear of something different.
As “tormentingly” shrinking as it was for my kids to confront me maturely and lovingly, I knew I had to hear their hearts and words. I literally had to bite my tongue to resist a really good reason about for why I had to lie. Every moment of listening without talking verbally or non verbally, my heart opened & their acceptance of me as me, helped me to accept me as me.
A dear sister once told me of her experience of changing in a particular area of her life; “Lisa, I had to ask for the willingness to be willing to have willingness to change.” I never forgot this, even when I didn’t use it. As it relates to my children then & now, it is still my instinct to protect myself & them with a lie, I ask for the willingness to be willing to have willingness to change. This process has a two way outcome. When I ask that for myself, it also creates willingness on their part to live in the present, hope for the future, and remember the past lessons learned that brought healing & change.
Today, go ahead & splurge!!! Ask for 3 Scoops!